# 4

Dear Rascal,

Today has been tricky. It is Monday, so I worked all day today. I printed out a picture of you and hung it on my board at work. I also found the charm on my charm bracelet that my mom gave to me years ago - I put it on a chain and am wearing it around my neck. The picture and the charm helped me to remember you today and I was able to keep my composure all day - even when my sweet work family gave me flowers and a card.

And then I came home. Your daddy is at work tonight. He was home with me for a few minutes and things were good, but then he left, and then my TV show ended and it was quiet, and then I got sad again. I started folding the laundry and I found the sweatshirt that I was wearing the last time we snuggled. I cried as I put it on a hangar and kept on folding clothes. And then I found the blanket that we used the last time we snuggled. I cried harder and I haven't been able to stop.

Last Thursday night. That was the last time you laid on my chest. We snuggled a lot that night because daddy worked until midnight and we were waiting for him to get home. I watched 'New Girl' and giggled a lot because it is very funny and you slept on my chest for a long while. You looked so adorable that I took these pictures of us.

My mind keeps going back to that night. I keep thinking about what I would have done differently if I would have seen you struggling before I went to bed. I would have slept down stairs. I would have lifted you on to the couch and comforted you through the night. I would have been there with you instead of upstairs in my bed. I wish that I would have been there with you as you started feeling bad.  I'm sorry that I wasn't there to help you.

Today at work I told a few of the little girls that I thought I saw you grow some wings when you went to Heaven. I believe that is where you are so strongly and I hope that you have someone to drool on and snuggle with and play fetch with - just remember that you love me the most.

Missing you and loving you,
Mommy

Letter # 3

Dear Rascal,

Today has been easier.  Your daddy had today off so it has been nice for me to not be home alone. I've also been able to talk to people today - your Aunties Amanda & Brittany and your cousins miss you, too. My tears today have been less but my thoughts have been full - earlier we were sitting on the couch and your daddy mentioned that he was wondering where you would have been sitting if you were still here ... we are really starting to notice and miss the little things about you ... Your wet nose, your ill-timed sneezes, the way you tried to sit on my chest whenever I try to use the laptop ... you were a funny kitty.

Tomorrow is Monday and we both have to go back to work. We'll be grateful for the distraction but please don't think that we will not be thinking about you.

I miss you and I love you,
Mommy

P.S. Daddy saw that I was writing this and he asked me to tell you that he loves you and misses you too.

This is such a typical picture of you - sprawling out on me while I attempted to be productive -

it is also one of my favorite things about you. Love you!

Letter # 2

Dear Rascal,

It has been a little over 24 hours since I hugged you goodbye. I took your daddy to work this morning and then I went to my work because I didn't dare come home to our now empty house. I worked with my friend and then I had a really long lunch with another friend, and then I had no where else to be, so I had to come home.

I didn't make it one step through the front door without your absence being noticed. It is so quiet here. There are no little paws walking across the kitchen floor, no crunching of your food, no meows for attention ... it's just so quiet.  I know that it will take time for me to get used to the quiet - but for now, I just don't like it.  It is weird at home without you. It was weird that you didn't wake me from my very limited sleep this morning in search of your breakfast. It's going to be weird for a while.

I just wanted you to know that you are missed. After I wiped my eyes for the billionth time I watched this video of you - it helped me to remember that even though you are not here with me that you are still close by.

Missing you,
Mommy

Dear Rascal

Dear Rascal,

Today your daddy and I had to make one of the hardest decisions that we'll ever have to make. We had to make the decision to let you leave this life and to wait for us in Heaven.

We have been dreading this day ever since you were diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism so many years ago. When you got sick so long ago, we thought that we were prepared to hear the worst news and we were so grateful when your Vet said that your Hyperthyroidism was treatable. We watched you bounce back so beautifully as we started you on your new medications. You have been such a fighter. You have moved to different houses, you were a perfect champ on our drive to Oregon and you did so well over the last year.

But then we started noticing how you weren't acting quite right. We talked to your Vets and we worked with them to make sure you were getting the medicines that you needed, but we noticed that you were growing older and losing weight and getting slower. For the past several months, I took to calling you our 'Grandma Kitty.' The way you moved and the sound of your voice reminded me of a little old lady.

This morning the alarm clock woke us up - which in itself was weird. You had the amazing ability of picking just the right time every morning (well, right time for you, anyway) to wake us up so that we would feed you your 'good' food and give you your morning medicine. This morning, that didn't happen. After you ate this morning, you came upstairs into our bedroom and right away I noticed there was something wrong. You wouldn't raise your head to look at me and you were walking as if you were dizzy and couldn't stand up straight. You still sounded the same, but your actions had me worried. You laid on my feet for a few minutes and then we called the Vet because we were so worried about you.

You cried in the car the whole way over and of course you threw up the breakfast that you had eaten earlier, you always hated being in the car.  To be fair though, you weren't the only one dreading this car ride. Your daddy and I seemed to already know what the outcome of this visit was going to be, although neither one of us could bring ourselves to say it out loud.

We left you at the Clinic so that Dr. Simmons could test your blood and your urine and your glucose levels after hugging you tightly and went to work, although neither one of us wanted to leave you or could concentrate on working today. About an hour later, Dr. Simmons called me to tell me that even though there were some things that we could do to help you feel better, those things wouldn't prolong the inevitable for long and we didn't know what kind of quality of life you would have. I called your daddy and we cried on the phone, then we both cried at work, and then we came back to the Clinic and cried some more. And then we had to say the words that we have both been dreading for years, and it was the hardest thing we have ever done.

You got to come back in the room with us so that we could hold you and snuggle with you and although were more interested in tasting the treat that we got to feed you I made you snuggle with me anyway ... we cried and we talked to you and we told you that we love you and thanked you for being such a wonderful kitty, and we told you that we were sorry that you were getting so sick ... and then it was time. I held you in my arms as you stubbornly fought the Dr. who was trying to hold your leg, and then we laid you on the table and I held you gently with one arm as daddy and I both petted you as you took your last breath. You looked so small and fragile laying there on the table and we could see how peaceful you felt and we knew that you weren't suffering any more.

You have been such a bright spot in our lives and even though you are no longer here with us, you will always be the best pet anyone will ever have.  There are very few people who might understand how you were not only a pet to us, but a very important member of our family. You were always waiting for me when I got home from work and even today as I walked through the door I looked for you. It is going to be weird to be here without you. I'll probably still talk to you - maybe you understand me a little better now that you're up in Heaven, and I'll miss snuggling with you more than you'll ever know - the couch has felt so empty this afternoon and I keep waiting for you to jump up on my lap and try to nuzzle into my neck and chest and I keep listening for your meow and your purr. Every time we hear a strange noise we wait for you to pop your head up from where it came from or to meow at us to tell us where you are.

Your daddy and I have talked a lot about you today. We have been watching the videos that we have taken of you on our phones and looking at the pictures that we have of you - your absence in our home has been and will continue to be felt more than you will ever know.

Thank you for being such a loyal little kitty. You have brought us so much joy, a little frustration (you LOVED jumping on our cupboards) and have filled our home with so much love. You are very missed and very loved and we will never forget the joy that you were in our lives.

We love you so much and we miss you so much,

Love You, Baby,
Your Mommy & Daddy

This was our first 'family picture' with you in 1998.

galice resort

a few weeks ago, nate & i had a rare saturday off together!

i mentioned to my co-worker that we were heading up to galice lodge

for dinner and live music, and it turned into a work outing!

we had a great time with my work peeps and enjoyed the beautiful weather!

Chris Isaak Concert

If you ever come to Southern Oregon in the Summer, make sure you check out

the Britt Festivals Website! Britt Fest is an outdoor summer concert series in Jacksonville

and attracts some pretty big names - such as: Martina McBride, REO Speedwagon, Jeff Bridges,

Jake Shimabukuro, Kenny Loggins, Grace Potter and so many more!!

Nate & I had a rare two days off together during the middle of the week a few weeks back

and decided to head down to Jacksonville to see the Chris Isaak concert ...

okay ... maybe I should re-word that ... I decided that I REALLY wanted to see

Chris Isaak in concert (seriously - who wouldn't) and Nate was kind enough to oblige!!

We left in the early afternoon so that we could take the 'back roads' through the

BEAUTIFUL Applegate Valley and so that we could see a few of MANY beautiful

Vineyards in the area! We pulled off at the Devitt Winery and they were kind enough

to take us on a little tour and let us explore the beautiful vineyard a little bit ...

 

We arrived in Jacksonville a few hours early so that we could explore a little bit - it is a charming

little town with lots of quaint little shops and some beautiful houses!  We walked around and had

some dinner at a yummy little restaurant where we could sit up on the patio and enjoy the beautiful weather!

 

And then it was time ... Chris Isaak, baby!!

Here's a little clip of the wit and the fun that we were welcomed with when he came out on the stage ...

The Britt Pavilion has a few rows of seating, then the rest (where we were) is on a grassy hill, so we

were back far enough from the stage that we knew that we were listening to Chris Isaak and that

we could see him enough to know that he was wearing a purple suit with sparkly things on it, but we couldn't
really see him close up! At one part during the concert, he came up into the crowd as he was singing -
I did my best to capture that moment, although this video doesn't do the excitement justice!

A little 'Wicked Games' for your enjoyment ...

And some 'Baby Did A Bad, Bad Thing' - this was our favorite number of the night ...

A few days after the concert, these pictures appeared on the Britt Fest Facebook Page-

here is what was happening close up at the Concert ...

(Photos courtesy of http://rogueagentphoto.com)

We had a WONDERFUL time at the Concert - it was a great way to share our time off together

and to 'get out of town' for an afternoon! The weather was perfect, the Venue was beautiful

and the entertainment was absolutely perfect! Chris Isaak is definitely a witty and talented entertainer!! 

If you want to see him in concert, I'm pretty sure he is a frequent guest of Britt Fest, so let me know

and I'll keep you posted - the only stipulation is that you have to say that you're coming to see us

and that going to the Chris Isaak concert is just a bonus ;)

Random August Fun - 2013

... oh boy ... can I just be honest and tell you that I'm so glad that August is over.

We did manage to have a little fun last month, as you will see in a few minutes,

but it was also a pretty emotionally rough month for us ...

Near the beginning of the month we received the very unexpected news

that Ann, Nate's cousin's wife, had passed away. The details of her passing are

tragic and heartbreaking, and this news really threw us for a loop. Ann was such a

brilliant and passionate woman and she had such a beautiful smile and laugh. 

Aaron and Ann are not much older than we are, and our hearts have been aching

for Aaron as we pray for him during his time of grief.

Around this same time we received news that one of our best friends was not

well and that she and her family were also going through a very difficult time.

We had many sleepless nights, spent hours on the phone offering love and support

wherever we could and again, said many prayers on their behalf. Our beautiful

friend is now home with her family, but she is still struggling with many things -

it is so hard for us to be away from their family during their time of need -

one of the few things that we dislike about being in Oregon. 

We feel so blessed to be able to lean on each other through times like these, and

we are blessed to have supportive friends and co-workers to that we can talk to

as well. We hope and pray that these two families will feel of God's love for them.

Okay ... enough of the heavy ... August was very busy and looking back, I am

glad that there was too much to do to help keep us distracted from the things we

couldn't control back in Utah ...

We had a lovely google chat with our besties ... boy oh boy do we miss these guys!

We had an awesome rain storm or two that helped clear out the yucky smoke

that sat in Grants Pass for several weeks - it has been SO wonderful to be able to

open up our windows and let in some fresh air!!

The City held their last 'Concerts in the Park' series for the season - I went with my work

ladies to hear the fabulous 'Funktional Fusion'  play. This was my first official outing

with the ladies - it was a lot of fun!!

Little Rascal just continues to sleep a lot ... every day I notice her age a little more ...

we need to take her in for a visit to the vet but part of me is dreading what they are going to say

so I have been putting off making her appointment - she doesn't seem to be in any pain,

she is just slow and sleepy and has lost a lot of weight ... we'll be taking her within the next 

couple of weeks though, so if you're thinking of us, wish us luck, will you?

My friend Talia, and I, got a bunch of people that we work with together for dinner
at Wild River Pizza one night! At our Club, the Admin Staff works upstairs and the
Program Staff works downstairs - Talia & I are working on bridging the gap
so that we can all get to know each other a little better! We all had a great time at dinner
and I'm glad that Nate enjoys being around my work family - I have a feeling
we're going to be seeing A LOT of them :)

My work had an event in  Medford called Thunderstruck! A custom bike shop owner has

a bike show every year and donates all of the proceeds to the Club - Nate & I decided

to head down to Medford for the day (on one of his rare Saturday's off) and we actually

got to go to a mall - something we haven't done since we moved here! We had food court pizza, 

got some jeans and shoes and other things we needed and I got brave and added a little 'bling' to my ears ...

The smoke came back a little on our drive home from Medford and I begged Nate to snap

this picture - I LOVE the way the hills look (even though you can see the dead bugs on our windshield ;)

We had ANOTHER event for the Club - this one was at the Grants Pass Golf Club!

We spent a Thursday evening hosting a gala for our sponsors and on Friday we arrived

bright and early to check people in and sale raffle tickets - I really do love my job and the

ladies that I work with - they make the work seem like fun!!

The last Friday of the month I hung out at the Club for a bit while Nate worked to help facilitate 

Teen Night ... it was an 'end of summer' party complete with a bouncy jousty arena ... it was a little

too much fun ...

My poor friend Talia landed so awkwardly ... just so you know, her back was a little sore, but she's okay!

Nate & I went on a super hot date to a Chris Isaak concert in Jacksonville,
but that date was so awesome that it is getting it's own post. 

So there you have it ... that was our August ... we're looking forward to a less emotional September,

but if for some reason it is not, we know that we have each other to lean on,
and for that, we are grateful!